Was This A Mistake?

Tonight he texted me and invited me over to hangout. It wasn't fully his decision, he was pressured into it, but  he was still willing. To be completely honest, I was terrified. I had no clue what to expect, whether he actually wanted to see me, whether it would be weird or not. 

I showed up expecting the worst. I was expecting it to be a complete mistake. To be completely honest, it wasn't too bad, maybe a little awkward, but that was to be expected. One of our other friends was there and we basically just hung out and talked. 

Now i'm very confused as far as what i'm feeling. Now all I can wonder is, is this closure on our relationship or is this the start of a new friendship? I'm hoping that we are able to move on from the past and just be friends. I really do miss him as a friend, but i'm not sure if that will happen. Maybe we will just go back to covert glances at each other from across the room. I really thought I loved him, at one point I know I did, now I really have no clue what I feel. Maybe I still love him, maybe I just want him to be my friend. Overall I just keep asking myself, was seeing him tonight a mistake? 

Please say you do.

"Every time you smile I get butterflies. When you laugh I can't help but smile. When you hold my hand my heart soars. When you put your hand on my chest my heart skips a beat. Happy can't explain how I feel when i'm with you." 

When I first read this message from you i'm pretty sure I stared at my phone for about five minutes just smiling and reading it over and over again. I could not believe that I meant so much to you and I loved that you were able to tell me that. This was the moment I knew I loved you. 

I'm honestly just trying to figure out how you could say this to me and then change your mind. You acted like I meant so much and then one day it was just over. One day you showed up at my door and I knew exactly what you were going to say to me. I knew we were over. 

I told myself that I would be okay and that maybe I didn't really love you. I told my friends that we just weren't right for each other and they believed that. I told you that I understood your decision and that maybe we would be better off alone. I said all of these things, but not one of them did I truly believe. 

I believed that we could be perfect for each other if only we had tried to work it out. I believed that you were going to be the one I spent my life with. I believed that I would do absolutely anything for you. All of these, I still believe. 

I just wish I knew why you said all of those sweet things to me and then left me. Do you regret it? Do you miss me too? 

Please say you do. 

I still love you...

I still love you. I know I should be over you by now. I know that I should be able to move on from you. I just can't. 

You were everything to me. You still are. I constantly find myself wishing that you would show up at my door, asking me to take you back. Every text message I receive, I hope that it's from you. Before I answer every phone call, I can't help but wish it were you on the other end of the phone. I see you everyday and all I want to do is walk up to you and tell you how much I miss you. I almost do. But I don't.  

I just want to know if you miss me too. Somebody told me that you had said you did, but how can I believe that? I feel as if I messed up by moving on. The only reason I moved on to him was because I didn't want to be alone. I'm not even sure he meant anything to me. It only made me realize how much I missed you and how much I really love you. But I guess it's too late for that. I guess you really are done with me. I guess it's really time for me to be done with you too. The only thing is, I'm not sure how I do that. How do you give up on someone that you love?